After the third session of my newest exercising adventure in Olympic weightlifting, I had that great feeling you get after a long break away from the iron (or in my case, the newbie broomstick). I wasn’t puffed out or exhausted or sweaty. I was feeling great… when totally stationary. But as soon as I stood up, all the joints in my body creaked slowly and painfully. Years of sitting hunched over at a desk has robbed me of what little flexibility I had.

When I went to reach for a glass which felt like a ton and then mustered all my strength to turn on the tap. But nothing. I put my shoulder and back into it and go for it at a glacial speed but the energy tank is empty and I am defeated by what feels like the Goliath of taps.

I return the glass, rush back to the relief of a chair and call out for Ms. Taste to fetch me a glass of water. “Why have muscles if they’re going to be useless outside of the gym,” she exclaims.

Simultaneously, I get a text from one of the Tastebuds, our newly formed food club – “hey let’s make mussels for dinner”. It’s a sign, eating mussels will return the strength to my muscles.

At only $9 for a kilo bag of (mostly) pre scrubbed and debearded mussels, these versatile bivalves make for a quick and cheap seafood dinner for 2-3 people per bag. Now that they stock them at your nearest ubiquitous fresh food oligopolists, you can grab a bag anytime and whip it together with anything leftover in the fridge.

So the Tastebuds brought over 3 bags, and with our fridge stocked with all the wine we racked from the Rocks Vintage Dinner (ha ha), the mussels were split with half designated as French and the other half Thai. It was about to get historic, will the Thai mussels be defeated and cede Laos to the imperialistic French mussels just like their humanoid couterparts had done 100 years ago? Did anyone care but me? No, but they were pleased I stopped moaning about my sore muscles.

Mussels with Tomatoes, Herbs and Garlic (Moules Provençale)

Ingredients

1.5kg live mussels
½ cup white wine
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 clove garlic
2 diced tomatoes
1 diced onion
Handful of chopped parsley

Method

1. Pull out the beards (pull towards the joint and you won’t pull out chunks of mussel) and chuck out ones that are dead (wide open) or have broken shells. Scrub off any weird gunk (like the mini-oysters growing on the shells of ours) and soak them in a bit of water for half an hour.

2. Fry up the garlic and onion in the olive oil until nice and soft. Add the tomatoes and the wine and bring to a boil.

3. Toss in the mussels and half the herbs. Stir through well and cover. Occasionally give the pot a good shake to move the mussels around. Remove from the heat after most of the mussels have opened up. Garnish with the rest of the herbs and toss out the unopened ones (or just eat them if you have an iron stomach like me).

Thai Style Mussels

Ingredients

1.5kg live mussels
2 tablespoons Tom Yum paste
½ cup chicken stock
1 tablespoon canola oil
2 spring onions
2 tomatoes cut into chunks
1 tablespoon fish sauce
1 tablespoon lemon juice
Handful of coriander

Method

1. Pull out the beards (pull towards the joint and you won’t pull out chunks of mussel) and chuck out ones that are dead (wide open) or have broken shells. Scrub off any weird gunk (like the mini-oysters growing on the shells of ours) and soak them in a bit of water for half an hour.

2. Fry up the spring onions with the Tom Yum paste and then toss in the tomatoes, the stock, fish sauce and lemon juice and bring to a boil.

3. Toss in the mussels and half the herbs. Stir through well and cover. Occasionally give the pot a good shake to move the mussels around. Remove from the heat after most of the mussels have opened up. Garnish with the rest of the herbs.

Don’t forget the all important chips and mayo!

We decided to keep with the rustic theme of our dinner and used newspaper as our table cloth. It also made cleaning up a whole lot easier. The popularity of the mussel styles was split, with the only winner our full tummys and my slightly less sore muscles. At first I enjoyed the tangy Thai style, but towards the end I found myself dipping my mussels and chips into the tasty Provençale sauce.